The Pragmatic Heart

3 years ago by in My Life Tagged: , , ,

My family are a pragmatic bunch and yet yesterday my daughter burst into tears when her teacher noticed that she didn’t look quite OK on the carpet and asked her how she was. She was sad, or I should say worried that her daddy was scheduled to have an operation today. He is due to have an operation on his heart after a defect was discovered when he had a stroke last April. His stroke came one month after our third daughter’s first birthday. Shocking, and yet of course we continued with life in a pragmatic vein. He is due to have a heart operation tomorrow, to fix the defect that caused the clot that caused the stroke.

I’m not worried unless I think about it. He is only my rock after all. What on earth could I be worried about when my love is about to have his heart operation two days before Valentine’s Day? Hearts and Valentine are inextricably linked. My life and my husband are inextricably linked. This operation works the first time for 60% of people. My husband is soooo not the average! I cannot conceive of it working first time for him and yet I hope with all of my un-operated-on-heart that it does. My daughter asked if he would die if it didn’t work. No, he’ll just go back onto his anti-fibrillation drugs and they will have another try at making this ablation procedure fix his heart.

I have been with my husband since I was 18. He has been in the life of my youngest daughter since she was born only 21 months ago. I am not afraid of this fairly mundane and routine procedure that many people have every year and yet I am afraid of it. I cannot admit to this fear as it makes no sense whatsoever. After all, loads of people have this condition and this procedure all of the time. Atrial fibrillation is the most common of heart faults; the operation to freeze and kill the faulty part of his heart muscle that are causing bad rhythms in his heart up to 60% of the time  must be an event of minimal risk and fear. Of course. We’re a pragmatic bunch.

And yet I’ve been taking more pictures of my husband and our baby girl so that she knows what he looks like and how much he adored her. I’m saving stories up in my mind to tell her. I’m not afraid or worried of this routine procedure and yet of course I am petrified of this routine procedure as it is not mundane or everyday for a surgeon to burn a piece of my husband’s heart.

This time tomorrow it should all be done.

This time tomorrow roll on.

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