Please excuse me boring the pants off you with a post that is a review of my 2013 and some plans for my 2014. I’m bored to the point of coma with my Twitter feed, Feedly, podcast player and Facebook being bunged-up with goal setting drivel. Some of it is good drivel though, so I have to grudgingly admit to reading and learning from it. It’s just such a cliche. Cliches make me roll my eyes, groan and swear inwardly. Dull, dull, dull, especially when the cliche is trying to be all worthy and affirming. Wow! Maybe I’m in a bad mood tonight! The mince pie and tea I’m about to have will cure that. My own personal new year cliche is that I’m fatter than I was in mid December and am currently chomping my way through whole boxes of biscuits and chocolates so that they’re gone and I can begin to eat real food again.
2013 was at times a frenetic, chaotic and inharmonious year for me.
I started the year with an 8 month old baby, and 6 and 8 year old little girls and end it with a 20 month old walking, talking, wrecking-ball, cuter than cute 20 month old and 7 and 9 year old young ladies.
I started the year with a job and I ended the year without that job. I learnt that much of my identity and self worth was actually tied to that job. It was a large part of who I thought I was and I didn’t even know it. I felt a bit special and superior because of my job and I had no idea. Job goes and ego reels. Who am I now? So a period of mourning for the loss of the much loved job, clients and colleagues ensued. The year ended with me having come through and found out more about who I am underneath the illusions that I’d allowed the job to add to my identity. The year ended with me having a very strong commitment to continuing my old work (and more) within my own business.
I started the year still in possession of the belief that I was immortal. I realized during the year that I will be 80 years old when my toddler is my age and that I’ll be 50 when she goes to high school. They are harsh facts man! I was left reeling from those moments of clarity. I realized that I’m mortal when my husband had a stroke in April. He has promised to be with me and love me forever but I realized that like all the people in the olden days and all the people in the history books and all the people pushing up the daisies all over the globe, I will one day be someone who once was and so will he. I experience such discomfort to imagine us not being in the world whilst our girls are. I have determined to live until I am at least 110 so that I can be with them all into old age. Any other prospect is unthinkable. I want to know them for decades and decades and decades.
I realized that my life is now. Today and yesterday I made choices about how to spend my time and my money (of which I currently have none due to the exciting place I am inhabiting between being an employee and earning money from my own business.) THIS IS IT. THIS IS MY LIFE. And this is what I want:
I’m excited about the year ahead. 2014, I’m very pleased to welcome you.